brain. is going. to explode.

Truly, if anyone has a GPS that can find Neverland, hook me up. Because I'm definitely down to go live with Peter Pan and his merry men or whatever for a while so that I don't have to grow up.

Okay, so like, I DO want to grow up, but not really. I want to grow up so that I can find a tall, dark, and handsome husband, and we can have multitudes of children and big scruffy dogs and a nice big house with a boat parked out front and an extra cottage in the woods and a house on the beach for vacations. I want all of these things but I have no stinking idea of how I'm going to get to them.

I mean let's be honest here, I haven't exactly been the most ambitious with my studies my teenage life. And when I say that, I mean that 7th and 8th grade I failed almost every class, and did not care whatsoever until I got into 9th grade, and even then I only got like averages of 3.0s while all my friends are getting 4.0s.

Well okay let me be clear: I know what I want to do with my life. I want to be a special ed teacher. BUT IT'S NOT THAT EASY

First of all, can we all remember that FIRST OF ALL teachers get horrible benefits and pay? SECOND OF ALL I might not even get a job if I go to school to become a teacher, my brother-in-law went to the University of Utah and got his teaching degree what was it, a year or so ago and still hasn't been able to get a job. THIRD OF ALL let's all remember that teachers don't exactly get the utmost respect from the community and whatnot.

But I really, really, want to do that. But I mean there's college. And I have to pay for college. And if I have to pay for college then I'll get in debt. And if teaching doesn't work then I won't be able to pay off the debt. And my tall dark and handsome husband will have to get extra jobs, and he'll get stressed out, and we'll be one of those families that has to scrape by, and that's just never been my life, or maybe it has been and my parents have just never told me, and OH MY GOSH MY BRAIN IS GOING TO EXPLODE

I turn 16 in...23 days? Something like that. I don't really feel like counting it. When I was younger, I was like "Yeah! Woo! 16! I'll get to do all the fun things!" But now that I'm around that age, I do engage in SOME of the fun stuff, but mostly it's just sitting on my couch and eating my weight in fried potatoes. Maybe that's my fault because I'm not like seizing the day or something. But really there's not a lot of adventures you can go on to discover yourself when you live in Utah. Unless you count, like, hiking.

I mean, I know a few things about myself. I know I believe in God more than anything, I know I'm going to be married in the temple, I know I have the most laid-back disposition of anyone I've met. So, that's a good start, right?

I only start to freak out because I'm starting my junior year soon, and that's the year where everyone says that it's good to start putting in college applications and scholarships and whatnot, to get a leg up over everyone else. So, I should do that, right? But what if I forget to do that and I do not get into a good college and I just become some hippie tree hugger that posts blog posts and tweets that no one reads for the rest of my life?!

I guess that wouldn't be that bad. The drum circles they have every Sunday at Liberty Park are pretty cool.

Today I was talking to Nate and he was like, so what are you going to be when you grow up?
And I was like, "Special ed teacher!"
And he was like, "Oh, that's weird."
And I was like, "Why?"
And he was like, "I don't know, I just would have thought you would be one of those crazy cat ladies."

SO JUST CALL ME CHEYENNE THE CRAZY CAT LADY FOLKS

nathan's smooth moves

Today I was walking with Nathan, better known as Natey, and we were talking, and here's what we said:

Me: "You know, Nate, if there's ONE thing I've learned these few years that I've been interested in boys, it's that-"
Nate: "That you have a nice body?'
...
...
...
Me: "Um, no, that's actually not what I was going to say."
Nate: "Oh. Um"
Me: "Yeah"
Nate: "What were you going to say"
Me: "That guys like girls with standards?"
Nate: "Oh, yeah. Guys like that. But guys also like bikinis...So yeah, bikinis are cool"

a blurb.

Finally,

after playing for two hours,

I have won a game of Solitare.

I don't think I've felt more accomplished.

Happy Friday.

i miss it.

I miss being a little kid. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm still young, and that I still have a crapload of time in this world. But I miss being little. I miss my oldest brother Luther always being either in the floor below me or the house behind me. I miss telling my second-oldest brother Ben that he puts bananas in his chilli, and I miss him eating straight, dry chilli peppers, then drinking milk, then throwing up. I miss being 7 years old and telling m third-oldest brother Jesse that 9th grade geometry is super easy and that he needed to stop complaining. I miss doing absolutely everything with my closest brother Mitch, walking up to the Dollar Tree, buying candy, rollerblading on the backporch, him being my only and best friend. I miss my dad kissing me goodbye every morning before he went out into the dangerous world of librarian-being. I miss me and my brothers demanding my mother make us Tubby Custard, then her slaving about to make it, then us telling her it was disgusting.

I miss being able to fake sleeping in order to have my dad carry me around everywhere. I miss the parents that I had that didn't think I hated them, the ones that would call me 'pumpkin' and 'missy moo' and 'sister susie sassifrass'.

And I never thought I'd say this - but I have even been reflecting on the most terrorizing day of my life, the day that I locked myself in the bathroom when I was about 3 or 4 years old. A day that has affected me so much that even now I am afraid of locking bathroom doors. I remember running out of the bathroom and jumping into my Aunt Elaine's arms and having her hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay. And I totally believed her, because I was only 3 years old and there was never a time that everything wasn't going to be okay.

Good times.